The last couple of days have been a whirlwind of many things. I’ve been trying to recover from a very nice, yet intense couple of days hosting my dad in London. Trying to get my finances (insurance and paying off my credit card) in order, whilst trying to have as much spending money left, also trying not to be a bad friend and yet here we are, a full week down the line and still 8 unread WhatsApp messages which need replying, work with minimum rest and angry passengers, making sure I’ve got all the essentials for Vietnam and to top it off an old ghost from the past (not that of an old ghost though LOL) trying to creep back into my life – whilst I fully know that he’s just trying to mess around with my feelings…  And breathe. But, luckily I’ve got my “I am” app which sends me almost hourly, positive, notifications to remind myself that “I feel a deep gratitude towards everyone who has made my load a little lighter.” Well… thanks. But honestly? I feel about as zen as a passenger sprinting to their gate while their name is being screamed over the PA.

I know this is all part of life and growing up etc. but somehow I would’ve hoped that by entering my late twenties, life would be slightly easier. Yes, I know everyone is on a different timeline and I am a big believer of everything happening for a reason, but I genuinely wonder what the reason is. Because there is only so much stress a girl can handle and trust me when I say that the only outcome of me stressing around about life, is just getting more wrinkles on my forehead and bigger bags under my eyes (which, I wish, were designer, but guess what?! That’s something your girl could never afford – sad times I know!). Anyway, here we are literally stressed, loads of anxiety and getting more wrinkles by the day – if someone needs WiFi, just connect it to my forehead as I’m sure my wrinkles will radiate enough signal as it certainly starts to looks like the little WiFi icon and guess what?! It’s got 3 bars of signal.

So, before I became Cabin Crew I worked as a Compliance Officer for a Recruitment Agency – sidenote, it were the worst years of my life and career. I have to be honest though, I think for the first year, I was actually happy. It wasn’t my dream job, but it paid the bills, I got promoted after 6 months and the money was very good (I actually managed to save, unlike now…). After I hit the 1 year mark, I started to realise that money isn’t everything. Of course, it’s very nice to have, as it makes life much easier – especially in London. But imagine going to work, commuting into central London on a packed Central Line, with commuters all squeezed on the tube like little sardines, to be in the office before 8.30am, to then taking your lunch break at exactly 12.00pm (no minute later, otherwise bossman will be throwing a little tantrum, like the big boss he his) along with the rest of London – which basically means, you have to queue up for at least 30 minutes at Farmer J to get your salad, to then having to run back to the office and quickly eat your lunch like it’s the next hotdog or hamburger contest you’ve participated in, to then stay at your desk and finish your work (meanwhile, all your bathrooms breaks are being tracked) until the clock hits 5.30pm, to finally having to commute on a miserable and overheated Central Line back home. So yeah, “Working 9 to 5 what a way to make a living” thanks but no thanks Dolly Dolster. I’ll pass on that kind of ‘making a living’.

Anyway, what I’m trying to remind myself of, is the fact that yes of course the money was great. But don’t forget the way it made you feel, the constant anxiety of having to go to work, the pressure you felt whenever you didn’t finish something for the day and trust me, that was constant! The feeling I have now, is temporary. Yes, of course I stress out when I pay off my credit card and having to make sure I still have enough money left which should last me for the rest of the month, but it certainly doesn’t compare to that miserable and unhappy feeling I used to have.

So to help with this overwhelming feeling I started to write things down. And you know, it’s actually very helpful. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but for me it certainly does – it’s like my own little outlet. A way of being able to let go of things and sometimes also as a little reminder of how funny life can actually be, when you were ready to let go of something, or in my case someone… But, I guess the universe had other plans and decided to throw that person back into my life like it’s a little boomerang and probably a test to see if I’ve actually learned from my last lesson, before I get slapped in the face again (hard). Well, guess I haven’t… because just like that my ghost from the past has decided to manoeuvre his way back into my chat.

In all honesty, there is not much to say other than the fact that he messaged and has made my head go into overdrive. What is it about men and their timings? It’s like a Ryanair flight, either delayed, unpredictable and somehow still managing to ruin your weekend. And just when you were ready to let go they’ve entered the chat again – it’s like you’re talking to a Ryanair customer service representative with bad signal (clearly didn’t use my forehead as their WiFi), and you didn’t get a reply, or answer back for ages and just when you’ve forgotten about the whole damn issue, they come back with an email saying that you’ll receive a refund or a new ticket. If only it could work like this for men. I’d probably sign up immediately! But unfortunately, I don’t think my guy has changed his destination and is still routing his way to mess with my, already, overflowing and full of anxiety and stressed head.

I am aware that there is not much structure, or much of an actual storyline, in this post (well basically its non-existent, at least the post and I have something in coming), but sometimes you just have to clear your head to make room for something new and in my case that is figuring out, whether it is too late to unsubscribe from this thing called life (sounds very dramatic, I know). Or at least to unsubscribe from this life lesson. And universe… I would very much appreciate it, if you could process that a little faster than Ryanair refunds.

Love,

Rose