I feel like I’ve been going through something lately and in all honesty I don’t 100% know what it is. I can’t even blame it on a quarter mid-life crisis, or that I’m super depressed and stressed (but hey at least always well-dressed lol 😉). All I know is that I have been feeling very high in my emotions, they are literally all over the place. I’m pretty much crying over the silliest little things, or just getting upset for no real reason. I think part of it might be, me pretending that everything is fine, when deep down I’m not entirely sure that it actually is. Trust me, I get tired of myself too. I was going to say ‘sometimes’ but that would be a lie, more like all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m super happy with the family and the friends I have around me. In general, my life is going pretty well… I guess. This almost makes it worse, because I feel like I don’t even have an actual “valid” reason to feel so low. I just feel a little stuck at the moment, and honestly, I have no idea how to get unstuck.

Does work have something to do with it? Yes, it probably does. Don’t get me wrong I still very much love my job, and by that I mean the actual job itself. Of course it helps if you fly with great crew, because let’s be realistic, the day goes by a lot smoother when you’re surrounded by good people.

However, over the last couple of months I’ve noticed that there are quite a few people in the company who absolutely LOVE to intervene in other people’s lives. Don’t get me wrong, we all love the occasional gossip from time to time – myself included – but one thing I cannot stand is when that gossip or storytelling, is not even realistic or true. Now don’t get me wrong, I know it’s called gossip for a reason… but still.

I have also noticed that I do not only like the gossip environment but my god how some people can be jealous! And before I sound like a complete hypocrite, yes I have my little jealous moments too. But mine usually come from comparing myself to others and thinking, “my god, I wish I had even a fraction of what they have achieved already” (savings mainly…IYKYK). But never the type of jealousy where I would intentionally try to upset someone or hurt their feelings.

Alas, let’s move on shall we? I have finally decided to take off some time from work, I have been signed off for 4 weeks, and over the next month I’ll mainly be focusing on myself and that  “oh so lovely self-image” of mine. You know, it’s actually funny. I feel like no one ever tells you how difficult it can be to take the first couple of steps, to accept and admit that you don’t have everything figured out and that sometimes you just need a little push in the right direction.

Trust me, the amount of times I have thought about taking the emergency exit (please don’t take that literally lol – think of it as the short-term fix) instead of waiting for the flight to safely land and disembark through the forward doors like any normal passenger would… well, its been a few.

But I think I have finally seen the light and accepted, that I actually can’t do everything by myself and you know what, that is completely okay! Even if its super difficult for someone like me to admit.

I think the reason it’s so hard is because I’ve always wanted to prove to everyone around me that I’m a strong and independent woman. I mean, I moved to the UK by myself when I was 19. I’ll never forget the long drive in my little Citroen C1 from The Hague to Cambridge. My god, I was terrified. Although thinking about it now, it wasn’t even the drive that scared me the most, it was taking the train with my car. What if they didn’t let me on? What if I missed the train or took the wrong turn? Call me little Silly and Stressful Sally.

I think the moral of the story, is that I just really want to do certain things by myself and find it very, very hard to admit when I might need help… or when I need to let go of the control a little.

Anyway, this is something I will add to my little Pinterest vision board for 2026; trying to let go of the fear of losing control. And you know what? Even though I would absolutely love to have everything under control (ohh the irony) and know what is going to happen next – even I can’t actually control all of it. Which, again, is very hard to admit.

I guess my take from this is that I just sometimes have to go with the flow – even though I love to have order in certain areas of my life – but it is completely ok to make a mess and not always be super clean and/or proper to people.

And yes, we are allowed to have our emotional meltdowns –  although I will say, it would be great if this does not happen whilst I’m trying to do my weekly grocery shop, or whilst I’m simply talking to a friend lol (keep it together little Roo).

So maybe the goal right now isn’t to have everything perfectly under control, it’s probably just learning how to go with the flow a little more and leave the jealous people for what they are and focus a little more on my own lane.

x