Talking about getting better again, this week also came with its fair share of rejection. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know there are far worse things happening in the world. But this blog has always been my little outlet, my little corner of honesty, so here’s another piece of my oh so amazing life 😉

So, as you may or may not have noticed earlier, I mentioned my travel companion, well, ex travel companion. Yes, the guy who asked me out, the one with the fancy friends, the one I immediately thought, “this is too good to be true”, the one who took me to Paris, the one where I felt safe and secure, the one who eased my mind and the one who I genuinely thought I’d experience more with and to top it all off, the one who I thought would be the last man I would be dating. Well… someone up there – whether it’s the universe or God –  had other plans I mean, it wouldn’t be my life right?! So, we came to the decision (although if I’m honest, I think it was more his decision than mine) that things are not working in our favour at this very moment in life. He needs his time, time where he can reflect and figure out what he wants and I need my time, time where I can heal and become a version of myself that I’m genuinely happy with.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy with myself at times, but there are moments where my anxiety gets the better of me, or where I feel super insecure about pretty much everything. Now… I get it, a lot of people will probably say “but if he’s the right guy he will make those feelings disappear, he will put your mind at ease bla bla bla” and to be completely honest, I actually am not 100% convinced. Yes, of course your partner or the person you are dating should never stress you out, or make you feel invalid, or gaslight you, or do horrible things to you, with that part I for sure 1000% agree with but, I’m also a big believer that the right partner will push you. Push you to get out of your comfort zone, to explore what is out there, someone who wants whatever it is you want in life and supports that. Someone who holds up that mirror and shows that it is ok to ask for help every now and then, that you are not alone, someone who gives you a reality check of yourself or a situation when you really need it and of course, someone who also puts your mind at ease for sure.

So why did it not work out? Sometimes people genuinely care so much for each, you can see it, you can feel it, other people around can also see and feel it too, but sometimes 2 people are struggling. Struggling with themselves. Battling with the thoughts they have, whether that is about themselves or life in general and again, I know that a lot of people will argue and say “but if you really love each other you can make it work, if he/she wanted to they would etc.”. Yes, maybe. But if two people are not happy with themselves, where they currently are in life, then how can they make each other happy and how will that relationship look like? Even though I still carry so much love for this man (I mean hello, it’s only been two to three weeks lol), I think writing this all out does make me reflect on the time we’ve spent together and it hurts, of course it does. Although it was only a nine months, where we’ve had some very intense moments. Trust me, dating someone from work is not easy, so add aviation to the equation and it becomes even more difficult lol. Working within aviation is great, but at the same time it’s super toxic so imagine dating within an environment like that, especially dating when you work at a small base, where everyone knows what you had for dinner the night before…

To be completely honest with you, it sucks. Because what I saw the other day, is that there are feelings involved, not just on my end, but also on his – unless he is a great actor, in that case give the man an Oscar and a massive round of applause please. And to let go of something where two people still care so much for each other, again at least I do, is just super difficult and a decision which is not easy to make. Especially when both of you still don’t know whether it was the right decision.

Trust me when I say that there are many more things I’d like to say, but I feel like this post will be a never-ending story, so I might just leave it here for now. And hey, maybe this chapter wasn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe it really was too good to be true after all. Or maybe it was simply meant to teach me something that I just haven’t figured out yet. For now, I just keep reminding myself that whatever will be, will be. And whatever happens, happens.

So… now you all at least have a wee update on this thing I call my life.

xo

Roo