Talking about getting better again, this week also came with its fair share of rejection. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know there are far worse things happening in the world. But this blog has always been my little outlet, my little corner of honesty, so here’s another piece of my oh so amazing life 😉

So, as you may or may not have noticed earlier, I mentioned my travel companion, well, ex travel companion. Yes, the guy who asked me out. The one with the fancy friends. The one I immediately thought, “this is too good to be true”. The one who took me to Paris. The one where I felt safe and secure. The one who eased my mind and the one who I genuinely thought I’d experience more with than a little over nine months of dating.

Well someone up there, whether it’s the universe or God, had other plans. I mean it wouldn’t be my life right?! So, we came to the decision that things are not working in our favour and that it would be better to maybe take a step back. Where we both take time to reflect and figure out what it actually is we want and how to become a better and happier version of ourselves. The latter is something which I just really need to work on.

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy with myself. At times… but there are moments where my anxiety gets the better of me. Where I feel super insecure about pretty much everything. Now, I get it, a lot of people will probably say “but if he’s the right guy he will make those feelings disappear, he will put your mind at ease bla bla bla” and to be completely honest, I actually am not 100% convinced. Yes, of course your partner or the person you are dating should never stress you out, or make you feel invalid, or gaslight you, or do horrible things to you. With that I for sure 1000% agree with.

But, I’m also a big believer that the right partner will push you. Push you to get out of your comfort zone, to explore what is out there, someone who wants whatever it is you want in life and support that. Someone who holds up that mirror and show you that it is ok to ask for help every now and then. That you’re not alone. Someone who gives you a reality check of yourself, or a situation when you need it. And of course, someone who also puts your mind at ease.

Sometimes people genuinely care so much for each, you can see it, you can feel it, other people around you can also see and feel it. However, sometimes two people are struggling. Struggling with themselves. Battling with the thoughts they have. Whether that is about themselves or life in general and again, I know that a lot of people will argue and say “but if you really like/love each other you can make it work. If they wanted to, they would etc.”

Yes, maybe. But if two people are not happy with themselves, then how can they make each other happy and how will that relationship even look like?

Even though I still carry so many feelings for this man (I mean hello, it’s only been two to three weeks lol), I think writing this all down does make me reflect on the time we’ve spent together. Although it was only a nine months, where we’ve had some very intense moments. Trust me, dating someone from work is not easy, so add aviation to the equation and it becomes even more difficult lol and slightly toxic if I say so myself.

Working within aviation is great, but at the same time it’s super toxic so imagine dating within an environment which is super toxic but also being based at a tiny base where literally everyone knows each others business and practically knows what you had for dinner the night before. Yes, even when you stayed in your room on a little layover. So, I think that pretty much sums it all up…

To be completely honest with you, it sucks. Because what I saw the other day, is that there are feelings involved. Not just on my end, but also on his. Unless… he is a great actor, then in that case, give the man an Oscar and a massive round of applause please. So to let go of something where two people still care for each other, again at least I do, is just super difficult and a decision which is not easy to make.

Especially when both of you still don’t know whether it was the right decision…

Trust me when I say that there are many more things I’d like to say, but I feel like this post will be a never-ending story, so I might just leave it here for now. And hey, maybe this chapter wasn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe it really was too good to be true.

Or maybe, it was simply meant to teach me something that I just haven’t figured out yet. For now, I just keep reminding myself that whatever will be, will be. And whatever happens, happens.

So… now you all at least have a wee update on this thing I call my life.

xo

Roo