Life always has a funny way of working. I was going to say working out… but I think I’m not fully there yet.

Don’t get me wrong, the last two posts have been somewhat extravaganza-esque in terms of being a bit more on the negative side. I know, I know. My apologies. We all go through a bit of a Britney phase sometimes right? I mean, not to the extreme where I would shave of my hair, no thanks. Although… it does feel like I’m cutting it quite close, my hairdresser did go for the almost Britney 2007 hairstyle the other week.

Alas, let’s move on shall we? This week’s focus is to keep things a little lighter and, hopefully, more on the positive side. Great start if I say so myself. Don’t you think?

It’s coming up to almost four weeks of no work, but this coming weekend I’ll be going back. Now don’t get me wrong, is my mind filled with anxious thoughts? Yes, 100%.

But if there is one thing I have learned over these last couple of weeks, where I had pretty much no socials (ok, I shouldn’t lie, there was of course the odd Insta and Pinterest scroll) and just very much a social and digital detox– is that I do feel more stable and relaxed.

Basically, I didn’t have any overstimulating and late-night, or early-morning Insta scrolling sessions. No TikTok for me as I don’t classify as the stereotypical Gen Zer, or even the Millennial who tries to keep up with the trends. No offence to anyone of course! I guess what I was really trying to say, is that it’s one app less I’ve got to worry about.

So yes, although this digital and social detox did me good, there is a massive part of me that feels super guilty. Why guilty?  Well to be completely honest, because I haven’t really checked in on my friends. Of course there has been the occasional messages, but that was pretty much it. So yes, I do feel guilty and I have the feeling that the worst friend award of the century is not even a question. It can go straight to me! And no, that is not me saying this with pride, I’m saying this rather shamefully and with a bit of sadness.  

The thing is, I remember when I was a lot younger,  we’re talking twenty years ago here. Ohhh when life used to be worry free and much easier. Back then, the only source of communication I had was the landline and MSN. No phone to text or What’s App messages to worry about, no socials apart from Hyves (not sure if this was a thing in the UK as well) and Facebook, which, let’s be honest, someone who is eight or nine years old doesn’t really know how to use. Or at least I didn’t.

There was a lot less communication over the phone as we’re so used to nowadays, and a whole lot more of: pick a day and time and we’ll meet and catch up then. I say catch up, but again, let’s be realistic. At that age it was more of a play date. Or, in my case, being allowed to cycle with a friend to go to the shopping centre with my €10 of pocket money.  

I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that it used to be easy. None of my friends would get upset if they didn’t hear from me. They couldn’t lol because I wasn’t allowed to be on MSN 24/7. It was just a lot simpler.

None of the whole ‘last seen’ on WhatsApp, or the feeling that id you don’t reply within five minutes, you’re somehow downgraded on the friendship list. That’s why I absolutely loved it, when WhatsApp introduced the ‘turn off last seen’ function. Not because I’ve got anything to hide, no not at all. But out of fear. Fear of being judged by my friends or close ones.

Maybe judged is a big word, but I’d definitely be called out, and the thing is, not even to my face but behind my back. People would say, and trust me, I know because I’ve seen them doing it with others, that they hate it when someone doesn’t have the decency to reply. Or something along the lines of ‘Surely it’s not that hard to just send off a quick text?!’

And you know what? In theory it is not. However, sometimes it is. The amount of peace I get from not being glued to my phone, not scrolling through insta, or not replying to messages, is actually pretty crazy.

I even considered whether this is selfish. My behaviour that is. And some might say yes and you know what? I get that. Because before, I probably would have said yes to that as well. However, my view on that statement has changed every so slightly. Changed because I genuinely think we live in a society where we easily get carried away with things. There is a lot of pressure, whether that is self-imposed, from friends, family, or whatever else. So what is the harm in sometimes choosing yourself?

Choosing to go off-grid for a bit and just focus on yourself. And if that means you don’t answer certain messages quickly enough, or you’re not always as available, or reliable as someone might expect you to be, then maybe that’s okay too.

Because what does reliability truly mean? I think so many of us have a different view on this. However, I’d like to think that when it truly comes down to it, and if a friend or family member were to pick up the phone and call me and say ‘Roo, I really need you’ the act of dropping everything and going to see that person counts for something. And you know what? I would. How do I know? Well, last May my best friend got the news her mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. She called me and I heard she was in bits and pieces, I was preparing to head back to London (she lives in the Netherlands), but I dropped everything and I drove over to hers to make sure I was there with her and to let her know she’s not alone.

So yes, I know I might not be reliable when it comes to messaging, which I know is something which might be super important to some, especially nowadays. But when it truly comes down to it, I will be there for the people who really need me. And maybe that’s what reliability means to me.

So, after a minor Britney ’07 moment, the anxious feeling of having to go back to work, and to top it all off, awarding myself with the worst-friend-of-the-year award, I’d say I’m pretty much on the right track right?

Until next time!

x

Roo